


The Same Place

by mhunter10



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 09:02:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhunter10/pseuds/mhunter10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set right after Ian walks away from Mickey's room in 3x12.</p><p>Mandy's POV as she talks to both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Same Place

“I called him a pussy.”

Ian looked up from the spot he was staring at on the ground, eyes wide. “You what?”

Mandy shrugged, but her shoulders seemed to stay up around her neck. Why did her wardrobe only consist of tiny jackets when she lived in the coldest city in America? “Was I wrong?” She looked over at Ian, almost like it was a challenge, but her face said she actually wanted to know if she had somehow crossed a line. She didn’t know what to think anymore. She’d always gone about her life not caring about other people except her brothers and Ian, but when had it turned into complete obliviousness? She sort of hated herself when she remembered what she’d said about Lip being up Karen’s butt, when she was so far up his and probably her own that she didn’t even see what was going on right in front of her. She didn’t know how many times she’d tried apologizing to her best friend, but Ian wouldn’t let her. He kept saying it wasn’t her fault he didn’t tell her, like she should be the one mad at him. But she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. So, now she had to do something to fix it. “Was I?”

Ian turned away and thought for a moment. What was she asking him? Was he going to forgive her if she jumped in and came to his rescue? Would it really be that easy? He had gotten tired of her saying sorry, because he actually felt bad for the way she had to find out how blind she was. But she actually hit him when he tried to apologize for not confiding in her sooner. Everything was so mixed up now. He knew she meant well, but did he really want her adding on to all the bullshit? Not really, but he couldn’t help but think what Mickey’s face looked like when he realized she knew. If she didn’t before, she did now. Ian hadn’t expected it to be so easy, but he guessed it could have been the abundance of drugs coursing through him. And Mandy had listened to it all and hadn’t judged or gotten mad. He felt silly thinking something horrible would happen if she knew, but maybe he was a bit justified considering who her father was. Ian called him all kinds of names in his head, but none ever seemed to fit just how… _whatever_ …the guy was. He owed her for being there when he needed her, even if she felt she had let him down. It sort of was too little too late, but he couldn’t let her know that. Not yet, anyway. “No.”

Mandy’s face only changed a little from worry. “Because someone needed to say it.”

He though a second more about Mickey being called on his shit, and decided it would maybe be funny later on. His resolve had broken as soon as he was out of the house. Figures he would put up a front, when he was so close to being on the frontline. It’s always easier to talk yourself up into thinking you don’t care anymore…until you see the person, and suddenly every ounce of dignity you had left is wavering like a torn flag in the wind. Again with the army references, Jesus.

Mandy was rubbing her arms; her sleeves pulled down and tucked in her gloved grip. She shivered and cursed. Ian smirked at her halfheartedly, pulling her closer to him with an arm around her. “Why do you wear these little jackets, Mandy? You do know where you live, right?” He pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head until it was almost covering her eyes. She laughed.

“Hey!” She poked him, but it didn’t really transfer through his coat. He snorted. They hadn’t really done as much nitrous as they thought they would, but what they had done was beginning to have some affect. They giggled as Mandy tried to fit inside his coat, sitting on his lap and trying to zip it up around them both. It didn’t work out so much, but they didn’t really care. When they’d settled down, Mandy looked at Ian. He looked back at her, but his face was so…lifeless. It was scary. But he was consciously trying to make it look normal and happy, but it was so fake she knew he wasn’t trying very hard to hide it. And he didn’t need to. She wasn’t his family: ignoring him when it wasn’t a pressing issue. But then she felt bad for them because they didn’t know what they were doing by not bothering to find out if he was as ‘fine’ as he said he was. She knew better now. Sure, it had been a shock to find out right in the middle of her outburst at Lip, but once the booze and whatever else she was on wore off, she almost had to laugh at how dumb she had been. God, she’d waltzed in on a moment between them right before the wedding and hadn’t even thought twice, as the tension flew right over her head. The more Ian told her, the more everything made sense, or more sense than it had. She didn’t even speak the whole time, fearing she might miss something again. And now it was written all over his face. He looked tired in a way that wasn’t entirely from lack of sleep. He smiled at her questioningly. “You are going to talk to him eventually, though, right?”

Ian sighed. “What do you mean?”

“C’mon, Ian. I know you’re not just going to leave things like that…regardless of this new attitude you have.”

“Attitude?”

“Yeah! Ian, girls practically invented the fake breakup, but that was like…a little harsh.”

“Well, it’s about time I got a little harsh, don’t you think?” He got up and walked a few paces away, folding his arms across him. Mandy got up and followed after him.

“Ian, I’m sorry. Okay?” He didn’t look at her. “I’ve just never seen him like this. You and I both know how Mickey is. I mean, I haven’t seen Mickey cry since he stubbed his toe on the metal foldout bed, and that was just physical pain. This is different. He’s hurting, Ian.”

Ian tilted his head back and laughed coldly. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, still chuckling to himself.

“Ian?”

“He’s hurting. He’s hurting?” He was staring at Mandy, an uncomfortable grin on his face. She stepped back when he through his arms out and shouted.

“YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE? MICKEY MILKOVICH IS HURTING! HURTING!” He laughed some more, breathing hard in between.

“Ian, calm down. You’re being a jerk.”

Now he came up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, that weird look still on her face. “Oh, I’m being a jerk? I’m so sorry, Mandy, but your brother in there was a jerk first! Maybe I’m hurting too. Did you think of that? Huh, Mandy?” He let her go roughly and turned away, suddenly ashamed of how stupid he was acting. He turned back around and saw her standing there looking down, shivering in her too-short jacket.

“Yeah, Ian. I did.”

Ian deflated, letting out a breath. He walked over to her and reached out a hand to pull her to him. If it hadn’t been so cold, she probably would have pushed him away. “I’m sorry, Mandy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know where that came from.”

Mandy buried her face in his chest. “Probably from the same place that made Mickey do all those things to you. The same place that made you think shipping off was a smart idea.”

“Sounds like a pretty stupid place, huh?” She nodded her head.

“But Mickey was right, right? He saw through it. You only did it to scare him.”

Ian didn’t say anything. He rested his head on top of hers and breathed her in, closing his eyes. It was getting a bit darker and snow was beginning to fall.

Mandy let out a shaky breath and sniffed. “You’re the only thing in his life that doesn’t completely fucking suck, Ian. Don’t let him fuck it up. Guys are stupid, remember?”

Ian laughed a little. “Yeah.”

“Promise me you won’t give up on him.”

Ian’s stomach flipped and his heart beat a bit faster. Maybe he knew internally that letting Mickey go wasn’t even an option or possibility, but it still didn’t change anything that had happened. And it probably wouldn’t for a while, no matter how much he cried when Ian wasn’t watching. But it was too late now. The only thing he had left to do was promise her he would be Mickey’s little warm light someday. He smiled, picturing exactly what Mickey would do to his sister for saying something as gay as that.

“I’m going to miss you.”

 “Me too, Mandy.”

///////

 “He was sort of being a jerk with me too, but can you blame him?”

Mickey sat up from where he had been lying down and wiped hard at his face and eyes. “Did I say you could fucking come in here?” His voice cracked.

Even though it was dark in the room, Mandy could see the dark spot on his pillow. His eyes glinted wetly in the light coming through the blinds. His breathing was shaky and ragged. She sat down on the bed where his wife usually slept, and didn’t say anything. She grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and held it out in his direction. When she felt it actually leave her hand and heard him blow into it, she kind of let out a breath.

“Now get the fuck out.” No malice. Not even a little bit of spite. He sniffed and palmed his eyes again.

“You know he wouldn’t have done it if you had just told him not to.”

“’S’been trying to go get his legs blown off since day one. I ain’t fucking stopping him. I’m not some bitch.”

“Yeah, you said that already. Now tell me how you really feel.”

Mickey cleared his throat and sniffed again. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Bullshit, Mickey.”

“It’s not!”

“Yes it is, and you know it!”

“Shut the fuck up. Nobody asked you, and it’s none of your business.”

“None of my business? You’re my brother, Mick. And Ian is my best friend.”

Mickey scoffed. “Now _that’s_ some bullshit, if I ever heard any…”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Get out.” Mickey stood up and walked around the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“Is it alright with you if I take a piss?”

Mandy was getting tired of his act. Mickey never did bitter well. Or jealous, according to Ian. She got up and stood outside the bathroom, waiting to corner him but not be too obvious about it. She could hear him blowing his nose again and then the water was running. She could see in the crack as he splashed water on his face, erasing any evidence that might suggest he was even a little torn up over Ian; washing away any sign that Mickey Milkovich was hurting. Because he was. He had the same look on his face that Ian did now: sad and pitiful. The only difference was the hint of anger right at the edge. She knew he was mad at himself more so than at Ian for doing the only thing he’s known from everybody in his life. She could see it in his eyes, as water dripped from his lashes and mixed with fresh tears. Mickey dropped his head and gasped quietly. Mandy almost missed it. He gripped the sink tight like he was about to fall over.

Mandy pushed the door open slowly. She shut the water off and hesitated, not sure if she should do what was the come next. Mickey didn’t even look up or try to stop the flow. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. He was shaking.

“Mickey, it’s alright. It’s okay…” She hated that she sounded so much like their mom, lying right between her teeth. He was already down, why kick him any more by making him feel like he wasn’t allowed to be upset? He was probably kicking himself anyway for even crying. But he didn’t try to push her off, well, not with so much force. He wasn’t sobbing or anything. He’d done enough of that when no one was around. He sucked his lip into his mouth to control the sound of his unsteady breathing, and to keep it from trembling.

“H-how was I…what c-could I have…..I just…” he chocked out, not sure what to ask or say first. Suddenly he was bubbling with words when they didn’t even matter? It was so fucking stupid. Now he had Mandy clinging onto him like he really was some bitch, crying to her friend over some boy. But this was about Ian. When the hell did it all come down to this redheaded, freckled kid who managed to fuck the sanity out of him?

“It’s not your fault.”

Mickey half laughed, half sobbed. “Isn’t it always, though?” He covered his face with both hands. Mandy rested her head on his shoulder.

“Not as much as you think.”

“Is…is he really…” Mickey started to well up again when his sister wouldn’t look at him or answer. “Fuck…fuck fuck FUCK!” Now the floodgates opened again and he sank down to the floor. His face was red with a mixture of fury and hatred and desperation and pain.

“I didn’t even say goodbye.”


End file.
